unhalofandomcom-20200214-history
Scarab
The Scarab (also know as the "Scare-Arabs" to racist americans) is an unstoppable giant mechanical walker used and designed by the omnipotent race known as the Grunt. It was origionally designed to blow shit up but it was then redesigned to blow up even more shit and annoy Jesus. Plasma turrets were added to the scarabs even though they never seem to kill anyone. The Scarab is fueled by its own badassness and it's main cannon fires a beam of gonorrhea capable of infecting you in like, less than 1 second. It also has an SFA (seriously f*cking annoying) gun that fires down syndrome. It should be noted that the Arbiter got laid for the first time in the back of a Scarab, or rather he thought he did until he realized that he, like all Elites, lacked the necessary organs to engage in sexual activity. Otherwise known as BFGFighting Git/End of the World" or 'Oh God Dammit not another one'!, it is not destroyable unless you shoot it in its scrotum, which causes it to jizz and turn its blue balls red. Since it hasn't jizzed in so long its climaxes in an explosive way, beware because this will destroy it and kill Jesus no matter how far he gets away. You'd think the'' ''Retards who built it would make sure it doesnt get blue balls but they themselves have no balls so they wouldn't know. They are related to Cans of worms but are larger in size and have more powerful gonorrhea cannons. Origins According to the almighty grunts, the scarab was originally a mining vehicle. The scarab's uses for mining are many: *In what may seem to be a strange oversight by Covenant miners, the scarab stands like a bajillion feet above the ground. This presented some interesting problems for crew members, who had to resort to peering at the ground through binoculars and taking wild guesses at where to dig. *The down syndrome gun on top of the scarab was added when it was adapted for combat. Before then, it was merely a big spider with miners inside, who, for lack of a better option, used the powerful legs to stomp on rocks until they broke apart. This often caused earthquakes and made the interior of the scarab vibrate like your moms play toys, and often gave pilots concussions. A rapid decline in ability to think rationally caused several accidents. *Once enough concussions had afflicted the crew and the rocks were broken, the miners could stare longingly at the exposed minerals and wish they could retrieve them from their lofty perches. Instead, they were forced to simply move somewhere else to stomp again, and expose more valuable materials. A mining scarab left a trail of rubble and precious metals in its wake. *The intention was for somebody to swing by later and retrieve the minerals, but because scarab crews were always stomping on the ground, earthquakes made mining sites too hazardous for footcrews. Thus, the many tons of valuable materials were left to accumulate on the surface. Mining never became a particularly lucrative enterprise for the covenant. Upon the breakout of the war, the prophets were desperate to find a useful application for scarabs. They decided that, since the vehicles were so large, they could mount a few guns on them and deploy them against the earthlings. Early deployments were poorly carried out, because they were piloted by elites of equal rank. This led to squabbles amongst the crew about what, exactly, they should do. Pilots attempted to make the scarabs move in different directions, tangling up the legs and causing them to topple. Anal Variant While many assume that there was just one variant big explody murder kind there was actually a special edition produced. It was basically a normal Scarab but with a massive pink didlo on the top instead of a laser. 7 were produced to sate Drone Queen's hunger for Anal but were quickly repurposed because even the mechanical dildos would snap off. Eventually they got deployed to reach and as a result the cases of "Death by Anal" went up by over 90% in 3 days. Initially they stealthily raped young men and left them dead. That's why you don't see them. You see the leg of one in Halo:Reach but luckily you don't see Noble Sex getting fisted. It has many functions aside from anal, but since it was custom built for Anal, that would kind of be like calling a computer a clock. Trivia *It looks like a dick. *It can also "Shoop da woop" with it's laser... *It is grunty because Grunts often ride on them. *The Halo 2 version of the Scarab is in fact a people-carrier model called the Pillbug. *The hole in the back is for you-know-what *Da Chief was going to save the Halo 2 Scarab, but he accidentally initiated the self-destruct sequence. Category:Things that kick ass Category:Things you shouldn't use for intercourse Category:Helping noobs understand stuff Category:Halo 2 Category:Halo 3 Legendary Ending Category:Halo Wars Category:Shit people complain about Category:Grunts Category:People who are awesome Category:Vehicles Category:People who can Kill Master Chief Category:Shit that Call of Duty copied from Halo. Category:Stuff Category:Cute Stuff Category:Big exploding stuff,